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February 28, 2005

Unfit for Human Consumption 

For the last few days, I've been unfit for human consumption. I've laid on the couch in an unshaven, unbathed, ill tempered state-of-mind. First you freeze, then you sweat, then you do it again. Today has been better (and that's a realitive term).

I managed to make it to work today and was somewhat productive. Feeling like my head was in an echo chamber, I heard things like global release, world-wide appeal, universal acceptance, and you're the man. Nothing made sense. At least I can now say that I'm home and have a 14 oz. ribeye to put on the grill.

Ashley will be home from Memphis this weekend for springbreak. She has that "I'm all grown up" way of showing up only at semester breaks and scheduled vacations. It's good to see, but I miss the "Daddy take me to the mall" days. If it weren't for my kids, I'd be living in a cardboard box under the Walnut Street bridge, waiting for the services and free meal at the rescue mission.

Ramble On!

February 22, 2005

On Making Lucas Cry... 

Today I left work early, something I never do. The flu symptoms are creeping up my spine, caught in my throat, pounding in my head, and generally making me feel like leftover dog shit. I thought I'd spare my coworkers and isolate myself at home on the couch, hopefully sleeping.

I'd been asleep for a few hours when I heard Lucas (and Cassie) knocking. With the door cracked, I explained the deal and how I'll let 'em know when I think it's safe to hang out again. The whole time Lucas was forming a human wedge, shoving and pushing to get inside. Cassie, struggling to scoop Lucas up in her arms, asked if I needed anything. I said no just some rest and a little time to heal.

As they climbed the stairs to their apartment, I could hear Lucas screaming and crying like I've never heard before. It lasted forever. Later, I called to see if everything was going to be O.K. Sure it'll be alright and soon as Lucas understands why he was rejected from a place that means so much to him (and me). Now I'm lost in thought and don't know what to say except that it hurts.

Not only do I have the flu, but my heart in bleeding...

I love you Luke!

February 18, 2005

The Knock 

Sitting at my bar last night waiting for the coffee to brew, I heard "the knock". It had been a long hard day and my mind was a thousand miles away. I heard the noise from just a few feet above the floor... soft, sporadic, but very determined. The Lucas knock is a one-and-only, what else would you expect from a 16 month old little boy. My gloomy mood brightened almost immediately.

He had his mom and dad intow and a book titled Trucks in hand. We sat down and read the book from beginning to end and then read it again (it only had 16 pages). From there he went to find the can of tennis balls and his blocks, I really should have more toys. He chewed the plastic top off the can, dumped the tennis balls, then went for the blocks. Playtime in Roger's living room was in full swing.

They didn't stay long, everyone had places to be and things to do. Thanks Lucas, you made my day. Come back soon!

February 15, 2005

Chinese Take-Out 

Tonight is the night for Chinese soup, borrowed DVD's (thanks Todd), and balancing the books. Chinese is a comfort food for me. Balancing the books doesn't mean the check book or score card, it means taking a few compass readings and plotting a new course from here.

As I take new strides into the unknown, I look at myself in the mirror and wonder just what it is that I see? I work hard, love kids and dogs, am kind hearted, and have the manners of a true "southern gentleman" (if the circumstances present themselves). But... I ain't takin' any crap off of anybody, don't care what you think about me, and am very comfortable with who I am.

The three kids are the most important things in my life, everything else takes a back seat. Sometimes that has cost me dearly, but I wouldn't change a thing, not one. When it's all said and done, I want my kids to know how much I love them, how I have always put them first, and always will (even when they or anybody else doesn't want that or understand why).

So much BS for now, I've got to go pickup the Chinese, it's getting cold.

February 09, 2005

My Phone Bill 

You wouldn't want my phone bill for today. I talked with or emailed folks from France, Brazil, Russia, India, Denmark, and Mexico City. It's a good thing they could all speak English, 'cause I can only speak Southern (East Tennessee Southern).

Other cultures have different ways of communicating and different points of view. I think my red neck is fading to pink, or maybe rose. Those Indians are way too polite which makes me very, very suspicious.

As a side-line.... My match.com search is progressing nicely, lots of pen pals but no lightning bolts, weak knees, or heart stoppers. I know she's out there somewhere, just don't know who she is, what she is, or what she looks like. Give me a clue, show me the way!

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